When I first got braids a couple of months ago, I was riddled with compliments. It was a huge change from the curly auburn afro I’ve been rocking for the past few years, so it was easy enough to see why people were excited about the change. Getting weird looks from old white people walking down the street. It’s only logical that she may initially be somewhat distrustful of your motivations for approaching.
Think of it like street harassment: It’s not as though every man on the street will catcall you, but after the fifth, tenth, or fiftieth time, you learn to protect yourself by avoiding certain street corners, always wearing headphones, and perfecting your resting bitch face. Not every white man I’ve had a romantic entanglement with has treated me poorly. Like holy water wards off vampires, I hope that it will keep me safe from the monsters outside my door—and the ones inside my bed.
But I’ve been fetishized, ridiculed, and insulted by white paramours enough times to be a little wary when a new white man enters my life.
Emphasize Your Personal Similarities, Not Your Racial Differences Repeatedly black women have expressed to that the biggest fear that Black women have about interracial relationships is the worry that she is being used as a social experiment, fetishized, and not truly loved.
The negative portrayal of Black women in American media as exotic sexual wild women has also impacted Black women’s willingness to date men of other races.
Dating can be an awful affair for people of all genders, races, and orientations, but when you’re dating across categories of privilege, romance can be even more terrifying.