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And if there’s one thing of which I’m certain about you Rookies, it’s this: to borrow a compliment frequently expressed to you by your grandpa/kindly next-door neighbor/best friend’s mom, YOU ARE VERY MATURE FOR YOUR AGE.

None of that stuff happened to me, but I still wince when I remember how I idealized the thought of someone being single-mindedly obsessed with me the way the novel’s narrator is with Lolita.

(Um, probably don’t do this, you guys.)It wasn’t like I was stupid. But I didn’t have enough experience or wisdom (as opposed to intelligence) to completely understand what I was getting into.

Being attracted to someone older just means you are a human person who sometimes thinks other human people are sexy!

I mean, I know: some cute college guy who spells his texts properly and actually seems to wash his face (be still my beating heart) can be pretty tough crush competition for the bros in your 10th grade math class.

And the fact that adults and males have social/cultural/economic/etc.